Wednesday, October 13, 2010

OMG.

I haven't been on here in AGES!

Blogspot birthed my love for blogs. It was my first public diary, and for that, I am forever grateful. I'll always keep it, and blog here when the feeling so crosses my mind and heart.

But! I do have another blog. Please please please follow me on Tumblr. Its so awesome.

iwritepink.tumblr.com!

<3

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A piece of me..


Writing is all of my being, everything that makes up who I am. I have so much inspiration on a daily basis that the feeling is starting to become overwhelming. I know I will write a novel – or three - sometime in the future.

I'm psyched, but I'm so afraid. A friend once told me, "Don't be afraid to be great." What an awesome quote. In this case, I'm not sure if its greatness that I'm afraid of, but rather, being unsuccessful. I'd love to be an author, but I'd hate to be a wack author.

I'm excited because I know God sent me this assignment for a reason. Maybe I'll change someone's life with my words, inspire a person or two. That would be awesome.

I don't like to waste words so me and my crazy imagination are off this for the night. I promise to return and tell you all about December's adventures, post-Christmas. What an amazing (I'd love to use "awesome" here, but I've used it enough.. just know I wanted to..)) time I had.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

I think it's time we take a trip..

I don't usually use my blog as a direct outlet for venting, but this morning, I feel I have no other choice. In one night – and one night only – about 4 people have royally pissed me off.

One is my fault.

I promise you, everything inside of me is leaning toward losing all couth on this here blog and releasing all my thoughts, as terrible and low as they may be.

But the God in me is telling me to remain calm. To hit people where it hurts is expected when you've been hurt. But to know that they probably won't recover and that they can't help the piss-poor lives they've chosen to lead, that's something different. I don't need it on my conscience – He will deal with them, as he always has and will forever continue to.

Instead of focusing on people watching my every move and criticizing it, I'll focus on the better things in my life. ((Of course, the only thing worse that people talking about you is them NOT talking about you.. so for that, I am pleased.))

But, let's talk about how I'm on my way to the Bahamas in two weeks – just me and my best friend Jackalack! 5 days of laying on the beach and drinking patron margaritas is just what the doctor ordered for me. I work hard and I play hard, and now I'll relax just the same. Indeed, both Jackie & I have many things to be grateful for: my BFF will either be attending NYU or Columbia for her graduate studies, continuing her psychology education. She is in the psychology student honor society at her school and yes, she DOES have a 3.8 GPA!

I'm proud of the company I keep. We have no children, no debt, no REAL bills, and a legitimate friendship. Tell me when's the last time you saw a pair of 5-stars like these?!

Don't worry, I'll wait..

I'm going to Las Vegas on Dec. 30 to bring in the New Year with my friends from school. I don't even think anymore needs to be said about that. This trip, from this day forth, will be known as "The Tweak." That's all we're going to do.. the whole time.

Sweet.. :o)

I'm highly considering traveling to New Orleans in February for Mardi Gras.. doesn't seem to be that expensive, but we'll see how I feel in January. March marks Spring Break, which, yet again, marks yet ANOTHER tweak fest. Cruise, maybe? We're not sure. If nothing else, Miami will be the move for me – I didn't just turn 21 for nothing!

Paris is in June! I'm so excited, I don't even like to talk about it. I have an intense fascination with Paris.. my my my! The Eiffel Tower makes me jittery.. :o)

Of course, none of these travels and blessings would be without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. To know that I am blessed and highly favored is a feeling like no other. No weapon formed against me shall prosper, no matter how hard people try. You may get my attention for a short period of time, but God has better things to show me.

I'll see you at the top!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm 21!!

Life is full of surprises – some you see coming, some you don't. Of course, me turning 21 was no surprise, but definitely a blessing. I know people who did not make it to this year, this phenomenal, edgy, time-of-your-life age.

Without the shadow of a doubt, I KNOW I'm having the time of my life. I feel it. I won't have any other years like the ones I'm having right now. What an excellent, bittersweet feeling. I know the adult life lies ahead of me, and being on the cusp of that part of my life, I accept certain things as they stand. But, for the most part, I've decided to get all the tacky, ratchet behavior out of my system right now. And in doing so, I'm being me – to the fullest extent.

I feel like I was reborn on Nov. 20, 2009.

But off the actual rebirth, I'd like to digress, discuss the actual celebration. Words could not express the extreme, unconditional gratitude and appreciation I have for my Mother, my keeper and my biggest supporter in all things. While everyone else turning 21 decides to celebrate in a club, with a table and the overflowing bar, my Mommy fulfilled my ultimate request: to celebrate with a tea party.

Excuse my French but, I'm such an effin lady!

It was everything I envisioned it to be. There were 10 girls total, my friends. There were no stragglers, no randoms, no sometimey individuals. Just people I've learned to trust throughout the past four years, including my roommate (love her) and my BFF Jackie, who flew all the way from Atlanta to celebrate with me. What a surprise!

We drank tea – I drank chamomile, my favorite. We ate cucumber sandwiches with the crust cut off, egg salad sandwiches and smoked salmon sandwiches. We had muffins with tarts and jam. It was everything I wanted it to be. Not to mention, my Daddy & Stepmom came and brought me the cutest Wittnauer watch. In short, I had an excellent birthday.

I've had so many ups and downs in the past two months; I won't begin to elaborate. Matters of the heart and mind have gotten me down a time or two but I'm still here and I feel better than I've ever felt. I'm 21, happy, successful and thankful. My forgiving heart allows me to maintain my happiness, since it's so hard for me to forget. And with this forgiving heart, I maintain relationships with people – even those who have hurt me – not for their happiness, but my very own. I've been told I'm too nice, too complacent, too easy-going.

All these things may be true and I vowed, to myself, never to change. These things have made me who I am, appreciative of every struggle and every tear shed, every inconvenience and broken heart. I'm not scarred, nor am I wounded or upset. I'm happy, a product of love and nostalgia.

I'm 21.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

This fool.

To play a fool once is said to be to the shame of your opponent.
To play that same fool twice is said to be the shame of you.
But to play the role of a fool takes patience and one especially rare skill: the power to ignore.
And for that, I am not a fool, but a rare breed instead.
With the hopes that things will be different the second or third time around,
which they sometimes are,
people like me move forward with prayer and a clear understanding that what's meant to be will be.
So sad for the less optimistic, the nay-sayers and the ones who call us fools until they're in our shoes.
They'll never be able to experience – or so they think – renewed love
and the bliss of having the object of your affection pine for you as if they've just met you a week ago.
No, we're not strangers and of course, we're not perfect.
But we follow our hearts' and our bodies' desires and do as we wish.
And we always have fun.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Appreciation.

You think you know, but you have no idea.

23 credit hours. A full-time job. An internship. Basic responsibilities. And I can see the finish line, but it's so far away. How do I sleep? I'm not sure.

Appreciation is a word we throw around far too frequently and way too loosely. What does it mean to appreciate?

We walk around all day talking about how we feel unAPPRECIATED or how we "appreciate" certain things and certain people, but do we really? How often is it that we say thank you, even for the smallest things? How often is it that you remind yourself why you're lucky to have certain people in your corner, regardless of the situation?

Blessed is an understatement – I am so highly favored! This is why, when I feel unappreciated and taken for granted, I take a step back and look at all the things I have. My stressors will one day be the reasons for my success, so I have no choice but to appreciate those as well. My family is awesome – I have a brother who considers me to be the cream of the crop, the best that ever did it, the yin to his yang...you get my point. I'm nothing short of amazing to him.

I was given the opportunity to serve as the leader for one of the most respected, prestigious college newspapers in the country and my internship? Just one more thing that a lot of people don't have.

Still, I know how it feels to be unappreciated. I know how it feels to give your all, put 100% into something, only for it to backfire and turn out to be the complete opposite of what you expected. I know how it feels to feel like some things will just never get better, like all your efforts have continuously gone to naught.

That's why it's important to hold steadfast to your values and the important things in your life: your health, your family and your happiness. I don't think there's anything in this world more important than genuine happiness (that, of course, does not infringe on that of others). So always follow your dreams and what makes YOU happy. If you find yourself doing something that stresses you to your core – yet you cannot get through the day without it because you know its a part of who you are – there is your happiness. Follow that happiness. It should never steer you wrong.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Good Mourning.

Its been more than a year since Auntie passed, and I still cry all the time as if it happened yesterday.

Sometimes I just wish she was here to see some of my accomplishments. She was so awesome and she loved me so, so, so much. My heart aches. Really, it does.

Just wanted to say that.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Black Roses.

"Special delivery, just for you and I."

As the good book says, all good things must come to an end.

Sad part is, I don't even know if this was a "good thing." Looks like I'm at fault again.

I'm at fault for just having false hope. Nobody gave it to me – guess I'm too optimistic. I'm not even hurt, hardly let down. Just aggravated. Understand my logic: I hate wasted time.

Time is of the essence, people. It's one of the few things in this life we can NEVER get back. Don't waste other people's time and, most importantly, don't waste your time. It's just as valuable as anything else you hold to a high esteem and cherish dearly. Father Time shows no mercy, no empathy, no pity for the wasteful. Please remember that.

So next time you find yourself in a situation and you say to yourself, "Why do I even bother?" there's a good chance you are wasting your time. I wasted my time for 4 years, with a situation that still resembles that of two high schoolers, unseasoned and hardly inept in the mental game that is a relationship.

Sadly enough, I was happiest as that high schooler. Now, I've seen new things and have had new experiences and this juvenile ass love is still in my space, taking up my time. Granted, it's not taking up too much of my time because I've learned to ignore it, for the most part. But, it clearly still exists. I'd like for this situation to die.

Passionate, yes. Heartfelt, yes. Sometimey, yes. Genuine, yes. Worth it, not so sure.

Some say yes. Some say we "belong together." But, if we don't believe that, then there's no point in going on. I could go on all day about the things I love.

And I could go on all year about the things I hate.

I firmly believe nothing new will come until you permanently rid yourself of the old. Either this situation is holding me back from my new "blessing," or it is the blessing. I find it so hard to believe in the latter. I know God works in mysterious ways, but I'd compare this "blessing" to a cruel joke if that was the case.

I'm sure there's a reason why we're still around one another, keeping in contact, living this jacked up, flipped down lie. I understand there are no mistakes. But, if this is not a mistake, I'm praying so very hard to see the purpose.

One thing I've learned so far: it's teaching me patience. You ever wanted to just curse someone out so badly, every single time you saw them? That's how I feel every time I see his screen name signed on AIM or scroll past his number in my phone book. I think that's because nasty words, I've found, seem to affect this situation way more than silence does.

How could you possibly be aware that someone was ignoring you, if you're ignoring them?

This love is dying. I'm fed up. He could care less. The tunnel vision I had 4 years ago has opened up so widely, I'm seeing things through a panoramic view. I relate this situation to some type of addiction, because that's all it is. And I am ready for it be OVER WITH. I'm tired of needing it, feeling like I can't go on without it. Please. This is so extra dumb.

"Just listen to me, we can't go on. Pretending to be, like we're so strong. Love gone, gone with the wind. I've got something to give to you...black roses. For this dying love, now we're breaking up, since we've given up." - Trey Songz.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Grass is Definitely NOT Greener.

OMG.

You know how sometimes, when your situation is not going exactly the way you want it to, you seek satisfaction elsewhere? Pause – this "satisfaction" can be on several different scales, but it's satisfaction, nonetheless. It ties in with the whole 80-20 rule: you know, you have a significant other who is obviously human and cannot be perfect, fulfilling every need and fantasy desired. But, for the most part, they make you as happy as they possibly can, with what they have.

Prime example: you have a boyfriend who is gorgeous. He's intelligent, has goals and aspirations. he's a nice person and everything about him is cool except for the fact that maybe he doesn't express himself the way you would like anddd...maybe he's cheap. He's your 80.

But, then you find this guy. You find yourself attracted to him and, what's more, he expresses himself freely. He's romantic and intellectual, and he likes to spend money. So you spend time with him and you think everything is so much better.

Only to find out that his ways as a "helpless romantic" only make up the outer layer – in fact, he's obsessive and clingy. Not to mention the fact that he's a liar...and just uber strange.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME YESTERDAY!

Of course, it was a different situation and there were different issues. But still, this is exactly what happened to me. My crush turned out to be the strangest thing since...forever. Allow me to spill some.

1. He told me he was a pescetarian.
Now, why he told me he was a pescetarian, the world may never know. Maybe he wanted to impress me? No clue. We went
to Chipotle and he ordered a chicken burrito. I just looked at him.

I started to tell some other things that sounded sketchy to me, but I realized that my readership has expanded and some people may just know who it is by the things I say. So I shall refrain. But let me tell you, the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Don't let anyone tell you different.

Don't get me wrong – if you are in a screwed up situation, you need to ditch him/her just because. It doesn't matter whether or not you have someone on the side who may seem like a better option. However, if you have someone in your life who is willing to be with you and truly has the desire to do so – regardless if they need work or not – just try to stick it out. Do not leave that 80 for that 20...or that 90 for that 10. Shit, don't leave that 70 for that 30. In some cases, I would even say don't leave that 50 for that 50. You just never know.

That boy definitely taught me a lesson yesterday. I called Antoine at 8 o'clock this morning. We are gladly speaking again, lol.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Happy Friendship Day!

Friends, how many of us have them?

Better yet, how many do you have?

The word "friend" has gotten me into trouble on more than one occasion, so I do my best to stray away from that word. Granted, we all have different types of friends, different friends for different things, but everybody is not a friend.

Say it with me, people: everybody is not a friend.

As a college student, it is very easy to get caught up in the whole "friendship" scene. You hang out with people a few times ((whom you most likely met through a friend)), you have fun with these people. You party together, drink together, even tell each other a few secrets here and there. You all share gossip, and suddenly, they know more about you than you would like – but, it's OK because you're friends now. Right?

Wrong.

People, people, people. Friendships are not based on the number of dirt someone else has on you, or the next person's popularity. They are not based on the next person's relationship with that boy you like, nor are they based on favors, good laughs and good times.

Don't get me wrong – favors, good laughs and good times are all essential in building friendships, but they do not constitute for one.

Some people do not know how to differentiate their friends from their associates from their enemies. Believe it or not, you may have some of all three in your circle. Sad to say, but everybody is not down for the cause. Here are some ways to tell the difference:

1. Do you call that person when you've made an accomplishment? Now, when I say "accomplishment," I don't mean the new boy you bagged and whatnot. I mean the new internship you got, the new job you got, the new scholarship. Chances are, if they don't even have a clue about any of the above, you guys are probably not friends.

2. Do you talk on the phone? Don't get me wrong, texting has indeed taken over the universe. Don't even let me get started with Twitter, BBM, Facebook, etc. However, your real friends, you hear their voices at least twice a week...AT LEAST. There's some people in your phone book whom you've never had a phone conversation with – they may be in your circle, but they are not your friends.

3. Are you only invited to the shindigs sometimes? Now, before you all get confused and start calling your friends going off because you weren't invited to the last hoorah, this is not a definite sign of shadyness. Let me be the first to say, every crowd does not mix. Chances are, if your friend is having fun with another group of people and did not invite you, they may do not feel you would mix in well with the others. Of course, this is giving your friend the benefit of the doubt, but still. I've seen it happen. HOWEVER, if you find yourself only invited when you have something they need, you all are probably not friends – either that, or you are dealing with an extremely selfish individual which, in that case, I wouldn't put up with anyway. LOL.

These are just three ways to be able to tell whether or not that new "crew" of yours is really around for the long run. There are some people who, from the beginning, have your best interest at heart, but there are many people who have never cared. So, do your best to appreciate the friends you have. Celebrate them. Do not sweat the small stuff because true friends are running scarce these days. Have faith in yourself and be loyal to those who are loyal to you. Not only will you be able to identify who your friends are, but you will be able to realize who you are as a person.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!!! I would list all my friends here, but I'll refrain. Shouts to the BFFs though – Jack, Diondre, Iman & Shanie B. Love ya'll!